The Ten Commandments - 6
The Fifth Commandment - Honour your Father and Mother
We come now to discover what we can learn from the fifth of the Ten Commandments that God gave to Moses and to the people of Israel. We have discovered already in the previous talks that, although they were given long ago, these laws are still valid today because they are the commands of the Living God. They were given for the clear direction of the people concerning their relationship with God and with their fellow men. If it were possible for individuals and societies to live always by these commandments, then our world would be a much better place.
God's perfect law is a guide-line by which we can judge how closely we measure up to all that God requires of us. But we soon find, don't we, that we cannot keep these commandments in their entirety because of the sinful nature within us. This is why the Bible teaches us that "We have all sinned and come short of the glory of God." The Bible also tells us that one of the purposes of the law was to drive us to seek the salvation and forgiveness that God has provided through His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. So this law of God is very important and we do well to take note of what it says and of the lessons we can learn from it.
The fifth commandment is found in the Old Testament, in Exodus chapter 20 and verse 12. This is what it says:
"Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you."
We have noted in a previous talk that the first four commandments have to do with our relationship to God. This one is the first concerned with our relationships with our fellow men. So here is a word for everyone - "Honour your parents." This commandment refers to our responsibility towards those who are our closest family members, the ones through whom we came into the world.
We might pause here and remind ourselves that parenthood is a great responsibility. It is one of the marks of a failing society when parenthood is undertaken lightly, with little sense of its importance, and where children are mistreated or neglected. Parents are to act in such a way as to deserve the respect of their children by the way they guide and help and set them a good example. They are to teach and train their children and above all to show their love for them.
The apostle John, writing in another context, says:
"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth."
Of course, he was writing about his "children in the faith", those who had become believers through his witness and ministry, and there can be no greater joy for Christian parents than to see their children also "walking in the truth." Sadly, many young people today are disobedient to their parents and very rebellious. They do not regard this commandment of the Lord that they should honour their father and mother, and one mark of this is obedience to them. The Bible teaches us that in the last days "perilous times" or "times of great stress" will come upon the world, and one of the features of those days would be rebellious children. This would be much more than naughtiness and childish wilfulness, but a marked disregard for and rejection of parental authority, and indeed authority of any kind. Surely we are living in such days!
This command, then, is clear and specific and brings with it a promise of God's blessing. It reminds us of the duties of parenthood and the responsibilities of living in right relationship to our parents. This is not just the teaching of the Old Testament for we find the apostle Paul saying the same thing to the Christians at Ephesus in chapter 6 verses 1 to 4 of his letter:
"Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honour your father and mother - which is the first commandment with a promise - that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
The commandments have a breadth of application - in other words we can discover other principles within them to guide us. Here are some examples from the Scriptures for you to think about:
We can think of those who are regarded as our national and political fathers, whose commitment and efforts, out of genuine concern, have improved our societies. Peter says that the proper order of things is to "Fear God" and then "To honour the king" - that is those in authority in our land. Paul says something similar - "Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except from God." We are to pray for those who are national and civic fathers. It is the duty of every Christian to honour those in authority by obedience to the laws, except where there is a direct conflict with God's laws.
And then we can think of aged men and woman, especially when age is graced with godliness. These are the past mothers and fathers of our society who should be respected and honoured by all. Another sad feature of our age is the callousness with which older members of society are often treated by the younger ones. In a Christian community it is a very great privilege to accompany and encourage older believers who have served the Lord from their early days. Younger people, by listening to their wisdom and by showing courtesy, can help older ones to feel wanted and worthwhile. In this way we will honour them.
I mentioned just now the apostle John writing to his spiritual "children" in the faith. The apostle Paul regarded Timothy as his "son in the faith." So, too, we have spiritual "fathers". Those through whom we were led to Christ, and those who now seek to guide, and teach, and correct, and encourage us along the way. These spiritual fathers - and mothers - are to be honoured and obeyed also. Like natural parents they, too, have responsibilities towards their spiritual children. So, we read in Hebrews chapter 13 verse 17:
"Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden..."
But such respect must be earned, both by natural parents and spiritual parents. Those who have the care of God's people are to show by their lives that they also are obedient to the Lord and His Word. Those who bring dishonour on the Lord's name should not expect honour or respect from others. Spiritual fathers should be such as referred to by the writer to the Hebrews in chapter 13 verse 7:
"Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith."
So we have discovered that this fifth commandment to honour our parents can teach us much about our attitude towards others around us whom we may regard as "fathers."
Finally, let's come back to the specific command itself, that we honour our natural parents - our father and our mother. This is both a warning and a command. Parents are not perfect people, they are subject to sin and to failure like everyone else, but we are nevertheless commanded to treat them with respect and honour. How do we do this? First, by loving them. It is easy to love parents who themselves are loving and kind, and it may not be so easy to love parents who have failed us in some way. For the Christian the standard of love is displayed on the cross of Calvary where the Lord Jesus gave His life in love for those who despised and rejected Him. We are to love our parents, and indeed all people, with Christ's love. A love that does not look at failures and sins but at the person, and values them as God does.
We honour our parents by praying for them. We honour them by doing all the good we can for them, and by being kind and thoughtful towards them. Then, we honour our parents by obeying them as we have already mentioned. In this we have the Lord Jesus Christ as our example. We read in Luke chapter 2 verse 31 that as a boy He was obedient to Mary and to Joseph as His earthly parents. Here are words of wisdom from the book of Proverbs:
"Listen my son to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching."
Finally - this fifth commandment is the first that has a promise attached to it. Paul quotes it in the verses from Ephesians I mentioned just now:
"Honour your father and mother, that it may go well with you, and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
Here is a general principle - it is that undisciplined children spell ruin for families and for nations and for the church. A well ordered and blessed society is one in which parents are respected and obeyed, and in which parenthood itself is honoured and accepted as a responsibility from God Himself.